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The solution to 98% of common virus/computer problems!

Posted by Lizzardis - September 13th, 2009

OK so here's the deal. You have been searching on Google at 3 in the morning for some good ol' hardcore porno, the thing is the site that you are browsing is full of Malware/Spyware/Trojans/Worms. Take your pick I suppose. Or have all of them!

Now your computer is fucked to high heaven and you make a thread in General asking for advice. Your problem is this place is full of pricks saying "Delete system32" "throw your computer our of the window" and all of that shite.

Hey I can't say anything I have been one of those pricks. So your comp is fucked and your pulling your hair out and your about to kick your computer. Never fear Lizzardis is here.

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First thing you need....Antivirus! These are the main programs you need to get rid of the viruses and some spyware. Now there is no point in actually BUYING the products as generally....The free ones do the best job!

Now, for this category I have a list of the best anti-viruses out there. I have tried and tested these anti-viruses with blatant viruses on my computer. They both got rid of them very quickly and effectively.



AVG Free Edition (828.82K)

Download AVG Free Edition
~ Install it.
~ Run the program (as administrator for vista users)
~ This program will launch on start up and a scan will launch every day at 12pm I think.

~ Run a scan
~ It will get rid of the viruses or if a warning comes up click "delete" or "remove"

Avast! Home Edition (300.94K)

Download Avast! Home Edition
Install it.
~ Run the program (as administrator for vista users)
~ You will get a warning or a prompt for you to put in your e-mail address. This is normal. Avast sends you a registration key in which you put into the program. No idea why they do it
~ After that Avast should be running
~ Right click the spinning A in the bottom right hand corner
~ Go to Start avast! Antivirus
~ Set what you would like the program to scan and how deep
~ It will get rid of the viruses or if a warning comes up click "delete", "remove" or "Virus Vault!" if delete or remove don't work.

Avira AntiVirus Personal (32.39MB) - Recommended by Invisable-Ranger

Download Avira AntiVirus Personal
~ Install it
~ During the installation a registration part will appear. You don't HAVE to register to use the program. Its just so they have you on their records.
~ Once installed you will get a configuration wizard, just go through it making sure everything is as you want it
~ Then there "should" be an updater. The program will update and carry on immediately. This should take around 5 minutes....
~ Once that has done, you are ready for a scan
~ Right click the red square in the taskbar at the bottom right. Has something which looks like a backwards umbrella in it
~ Go to Start Avira
~ Click "Local protection"
~ Then "Scanner"
~ Then look through the little icons there and click on the one you would like to scan....It will become highlighted. (I recommend you highlight "Complete system scan")
~ Then look above the icons and you will see 3 other icons. Two magnifying glasses, and a clipboard.
~ Since the majority of us are in Vista, click the 2nd magnifying glass with the shield in front
~ This will start the scan in admin mode!
~ Just wait for that to finish and you should be good to go!

Your computer is now virus free!

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The second thing you need in your fight against viruses and their rotten friends, are programs that search your computer thoroughly. Through where your computer stores its "Cookies", through its registry and various other places in which the Anti-virus doesn't reach.

Now these two programs I have been using side by side for years now. Ever since I can remember I have used these products, and they have served me well!

They both have saved my computer from various worms, viruses and even a few keyloggers! They also have unclogged various computer of mine by clearing the cache/Cookies....Seriously, you will be amazed at how much porno site take up on your computer!

------System cleaners------

Ccleaner: (3.14MB)

Download Ccleaner from the link that says Alternate download.
~ Install it
~ Run the program (as administrator for vista users)
~ Click Analyze
~ Once it's finished click Run Cleaner. We are not finished yet!
~ Click the Registry icon in the top left hand corner.
~ Click Scan for issues
~ Then click Fix selected issues...
~ I would click yes to create a registry back-up (but you don't have to do it again after this one now.)

Spybot Search & Destroy (15.65MB)

Download Spybot Search & Destroy
~ Install it.
~ Run the program (as administrator for vista users)
~ Click Check for problems
~ Leave it for a while, get a bite to eat.
~ When it's finished click Fix selected problems
~ Then once it's fixed click the Immunize on the left side.
~ Then your comp if Immunized against incoming attacks.

Malwarebytes Anti-Malware (3.86MB) - Recommended by KaizerWolf

Download Malwarebytes Anti-Malware
~ Install it
~ It will update automatically. Should only take a few seconds.
~ The program will pop-up after that and you will get two options: Either Perform a quick scan, or a fullscan.
~ I suggest going for the full scan so it will scan your hard drive thoroughly.
~ Then you have to check the HD's you want to scan and your done!
~ It will automatically scan your hard drive for any nastiest and once it is done, you will either have to click delete or it will get rid of them automatically!

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Now your computer is virus free and you will be able to look at more of your favourite porno with no hassle. However, sometimes....This just isn't enough. Sure your computer is protected to the teeth against incoming attacks....But what about inside?

Ever still felt your computer is STILL a bit....Sluggish? Well here is one of my favourite Defragmenters.

"But Lizz, whats a defragmenter?"

Well, a defragmenter is a program that is designed to increase access speed by rearranging files stored on a disk. That way your computer can find things easier and should load a hell of a lot faster, making your computer less sluggish!


Defraggler (870.4K)

Download Defraggler from the link that says Alternative download.
~ Install it
~ Run the program (As administrator for vista users)
***WARNING*** If you have any external hard drives/MP3 players or anything USB unplug it now!
~ Click Analyze
~ Wait a bit...
~ Then click Defrag.

I suggest leaving your computer on overnight and NOT using it while the de fragmentation is operational because it will slow it down and you will not get the best out of the defrag.

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Well that concludes my guide on "The solution to 98% of common virus/computer problems!" i hope that it has taught you some things and I hope your computer is running to the best of its abilities now!

The only things I do ask is that you do not forget to do this every few weeks. This will keep your computer in tip-top shape!

If you have any comments, problems or would just like to ask a question, please feel free to do so. You can also recommend me some other programs which can help other users' computers and I will make a short guide for it.

Take Care,


Comments (12)

I also recommend MalwareBytes Anti Malware. This program is free and very good, as it updates at least 3 or more times per day. It doesn't have an auto downloader unless you buy it, but the free program has just as much scanning power. Google search it, as i'm not sure if NG likes links in the comments section.

I'll see what i can do. Thanks for your comment. I will get onto adding it tomorrow!

Nice links but....why would I download a defragger? Isn't the windows vista one good?

I'm actually curious, lol. No-ones ever told me that you would want to get a diff defragger.

Sure the windows one is "alright", but Defraggler is not only really lightweight in terms of the program, it does a better and FASTER job of defragmenting your heard drive than the normal windows one.

Plus the windows one makes my fans spin at a mile a minute 0.o

Or stop downloading SO MUCH PR0N.
That also works.

Wait....Did you just say....STOP downloading porn? DUDE.....ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING? JEEZ.

We all know that ins't possible. Men have a little processor in their brain that spins into action whenever boobs are about. Then they go home and fap....To those boobies.

Its common knowledge really.

So, uhh, add Avira to the Anti-Virus.

Honeslty, AVG is the worst of the 3 big Anti-Viruses.
It's bloated and underpowered. Avira is kind of underpowered, but very lightweight.
Avast! is a liitle large and in charge, but it it the 'most powerful' of the 3.

I luffs my Avast.

Actually AVG is quite good. However I agree on the bloated part. I will get onto adding Avira now :)

Well, well. Civic minded, sign of a good netizenship, and it actually looks like it's been through a spellchecker.. Desperately needed in these parts. As they say in Australia, on ya, mate. :-)

Thanks for commenting and giving me your opinions...It took me a while to understand....But thanks!

If only this existed when my computer had a virus.

Well keep this bookmarked for when you NEXT get a virus! :P

Out of the three anti-viruses which one do you recommend? I currently am using AVG anti-virus with all of the other stuff that you recommended.

AVG is fine for normal computers. I had it for years and it did me proud. However if you want a faster Anti-Virus.....Go with Avast! :)

I want to add some,
- TuneUp utilities, its not free, but fixes alot and gets your pc run really fast
- buy a mac, its expensive but its fast and doesnt have much viruses, if your a gamer, you shouldnt buy one
- superantispyware, sounds like a virus, looks like one too, but it fixed the problems I had

and btw, avast is really good, I never got a virus after I downloaded it a couple of years ago

I will add TuneUp Utilities later though. Not the other two though.

1) The 2nd option is just stupid because people can't afford a mac, and saying that isn't helpful. PLUS the only reason why they don't get Trojans is because not a lot of people have macs so therefore there is no point in hacking them.

2) I won't download, or recommend people to download something which even remotely looks/sounds like a virus. So option 3 is out of the water!

Avast is awesome though! :P

Hey lizzy i think I got a virus but im on a mac

what do I do?

Its like....Impossible to get a virus on a mac.....None have been created, nor can you get an anti-virus. Your mac is fine ;)

I was a little too late to discover this but I'm keeping it in mind, it's totally helpful. Thanks!

No problem. I'm glad this could be of help to you! :)

Hey don't plan on deleting this post anytime soon, I just bookmarked it and I think it'll come in handy one day.

This isn't going anywhere anytime soon my friend. I'm glad you find this useful and your bookmark will be safe. Please, don't be afraid to pass this onto anyone else either, since you find it useful maybe other people would too :)

Also, you guys need to be able to identify fraudulent registry entries and be able to edit/baleet them, due to some more malicious software being hidden safely from your armed to the teeth rig in your registry. That accounts for the other 2%, really.

That's a fair point as well. Thank you for bringing that up Porkchop. That will come in useful for those who are unsure of the registry. :)